Cross roads

Thoughts move apart and lives move apart. Love becomes a monotony and an apathy. You care because it is routine and nothing affects you anymore. No jealousy, no anger, no interest but simply the absence of any better feelings.
We are standing at cross roads. You and I. And after all twists and turns this is where our life has come to a halt. Well, not a halt but more an obvious conclusion to all that has happened in our past.
And we have no where more to go. It is either we choose different paths here or disappear somewhere amidst shadows and tears. You choose or I choose.

There are strange ways...

There are strange ways how life works out. I don't believe in destiny but somehow i like the feeling of complacency that i am entitled to for i believe that things that happen were simply meant to be.
It's easier that way. Seriously.
Every little event, every fight, every tear and every prize is a part of a bigger plan and since i am no one in particular i can simply let it happen.
But the most unnerving are the dreams.
Every dream with some fragment that are etched onto my mind stay there for days driving me absolutely insane till another such dream comes along.
I think of it...keep wondering...imagine how the dream would have been if i had not woken up...and forget that reality still runs around me.
Very few of these dreams have people i know very well...most have people i do not know or know very vaguely.
That is strange. And all i do is think.
Of dark corridors and bus trips that never end or of deaths and lots of tears...and comfort on a shoulder that is not familiar...

Footsteps

Traced on the wet sand with fingertips
As I followed you along the waves in twilight
You never looked back and you never knew
That the tears were turning to foam.
My love followed me quite as the clouds
And lost his way in a desert storm
But your footsteps remained etched on by me
And we walked on forever.
Here a shell and there a pebble,
Disturbed by the sound of your feet
Touched me in lazy hope of dream renewal
And I promised
That I would return to put them to sleep.
And they whispered his name to keep me from going.
The echoes grew and faded away like the receding tide waters.
Your footsteps remained on my fingertips…
The sand ready for your next touch.
And days passed in silent walks along the shores on the universe…
And stars shone down with quiet contempt at the souls that left the earth.
The shells and the pebbles never slept again.
And he waited no more.
The footsteps and you lay scattered on the beach in a shipwreck of my life’s esteems.

Days go by and still...

You.
You.

You are still a whisper on my lips
A feeling at my fingertips-
That's pulling at my skin.

You leave me when I'm at my worst,
Feeling as if I've been cursed,
Bitter cold within.

Days go by and still I think of you...
Days when I couldn't live my life without you...
Days go by and still I think of you...
Days when I couldn't live my life without you...
Without you...
Without you...
Without you...
Without you.

And then the words became true. I never found out whether i could or couldn't live without you because i left. I left the chair empty and the smell of my skin on fingertips that didn't touch you. Ever.
And there was so much left lingering in the air between us that would lose itself in the play of rain and sunshine and your absence. I know you won't be there when i return. It's not possible.

deja vu...

Then it happened again.
Those obsessive thoughts again.
This time i braved the waters and came but you weren't there.
In the darkness i wanted to see your face. I wanted to hear you breathe, just to pacify me and to tell me that you were listening to me.
But these thoughts are mine.
And i can't let you know.

the weatherman...

Have you seen the raindrops streaking past the window?
Roll down the glass and feel them strike the puddles.
Know that tonight the dreams will come dark and heavy as you may try and sleep.
We parted ways today...
Only to meet tomorrow.
I didn't want to brave the water,
Or the grey skies,
Or the cold of the wet clothes,
To get myself to you...
I wasn't sure if you were there waiting for me to come and take my chair in your heart.
Let it be till the next monsoons when i may be sure that the waters won't reach me...
Or you...
Or the cat that was stuck on the ground floor railing.
Peering down at the swirls below.
So i didn't come.
Dream of the smell of earth and rain and running around empty hotel corridors...
Wondering why you kissed me.
Because we parted ways today...
Only to meet tomorrow.
Days have passed and the emptiness has grown while i wonder how your touch feels
On My skin through my clothes.
I look at your hands and wonder how it would be to hold them...
While lightning thunders outside.
I am not in love yet.
Or again.
For i don't know you...
Or the thoughts that streak your eyes when you look at me and talk of things you don't believe and can't imagine.
But you fit into my jigsaw like you always were there.
Look up at me and tell me that my dreams are nothing but reflections
That are becoming visions in your head...
While lightning thunders outside and the coffee becomes cold.
Haunt my days...
And let me be your darkness at nights that are passing...
Because we parted ways today...
And what if it rains tomorrow?

are you nobody as well?don't tell anyone...they will advertise!

who are you?
nobody?
oh!you are nobody as well??
well then..that makes two of us!!
do not tell anyone...they will advertise....

do briefs have to be given in boardrooms when there are no board meetings on?
do i get to look at you and wonder why you called me there alone?
do i pay attention to your words or to your eyes?

thank you for the pictures kid!!this could not have been done without you...

you photograph beautifully..

good job!!tell your mom

where do you stay?

look...i am not dancing anymore....

giving up something that made up for so many other things in life.and i miss it so much...
a new journey has begun and no longer can those avenues be treaded. but why not?
they all know the answers a tad bit too well.

let me go...

Take my hand my dear
We know that the time it is near
Be strong and be brave,my dear
Let me go now,let me go

How it came to this
It's not clear
Long and lonely nights
Now I fear
Though I need your hand to hold,
My dear
Let me go now,let me go
Let me go now,let me go

Take my hand my dear
We were drifting year after year
When we tried our best to fly,my dear
Let me go now,let me go

How it came to this
It's not clear
Long and lonely night
Now i fear
Be strong and be brave
My dear
Let me go now,let me go
Let me go now,let me go

Oh how ingenious the centuries of lies...

i feel like being torn between the past and the present.every living day and every moment that passes.
today as i passed by the lakes on my way to office i saw a boat leaving for the race.they had a separator between the courses that we never had.i just started thinkin about our race back in 2001..and how i had felt when we had won.
i started crying.i remembered that mum had refused to show me her face till the race was over cuz she thought that i might lose.
i don't know why i cried and they weren't tears that just welled up and then dried away.they actually ran down my face before i could stop them.
i do not know what i was missing.whether it was the feel of winning the race or the feel of being an entirely different person altogether.and i was scared of the person i was now.and i thought how i couldn't think with out looking back at my past and franctically searching for some answers that i left behind with my school badges and chest numbers.
where are those days?when everything made so much more sense and no one played tug-of-war with me?
a new day in a new office where i was made into a person that i am not...not yet.and i didn't know what to say.i sat there looking around the new place and trying to not feel that cold.for a moment i wanted to run back to my old office and plop down between the ppl i knew..but i couldn't..i wasn't allowed.
i missed the dates for delhi..and everything hangs on the balance...one result.just one result.
and i cried.why did i cry?