Oh how ingenious the centuries of lies...

i feel like being torn between the past and the present.every living day and every moment that passes.
today as i passed by the lakes on my way to office i saw a boat leaving for the race.they had a separator between the courses that we never had.i just started thinkin about our race back in 2001..and how i had felt when we had won.
i started crying.i remembered that mum had refused to show me her face till the race was over cuz she thought that i might lose.
i don't know why i cried and they weren't tears that just welled up and then dried away.they actually ran down my face before i could stop them.
i do not know what i was missing.whether it was the feel of winning the race or the feel of being an entirely different person altogether.and i was scared of the person i was now.and i thought how i couldn't think with out looking back at my past and franctically searching for some answers that i left behind with my school badges and chest numbers.
where are those days?when everything made so much more sense and no one played tug-of-war with me?
a new day in a new office where i was made into a person that i am not...not yet.and i didn't know what to say.i sat there looking around the new place and trying to not feel that cold.for a moment i wanted to run back to my old office and plop down between the ppl i knew..but i couldn't..i wasn't allowed.
i missed the dates for delhi..and everything hangs on the balance...one result.just one result.
and i cried.why did i cry?