dratted weather!

must not let the weather get to me....

i want a hug...

Home coming

Blank.
Empty.
Dying.
Touch.
Vision.
Dark.
Blank.
No sleep. Nothing here. I have lived a whole holiday out of a suitcase simply because I am so lazy that I could not bother to unpack. Then...what would it amount to? Unpack and then pack up once again when it is time. There is so much I wanted to do here. So much I wanted to come home to. But this is not me coming home. This is just a holiday. The room is no longer mine. And my clothes and books lie packed up somewhere. Lives put into big brown boxes to make space for new things.

Let me talk to my sister now. I don’t know when I will see her next and when I do she may not have time.
Let me hug ma now. I don’t know when I will see her next and when I do she may not hug me back.
Let me ask amma now, all the questions in the world. I don’t know when I will see her next and when I do she may not have any advice to give me.
Let me irritate the dog now. I don’t know when I will see her next and when I do she may not recognize me anymore, she may treat me like she treats baba.
Let me try and change my brother now. I don’t know when I will see him next and when I do his girl friend might hate me.

I am becoming my father am I not?
In a few years I shall give everyone explanations as to why I choose not to come home, how terrible it is here, and how this holiday would heavily mar my work schedule and how expensive it is to travel these days...
You know...there is never enough that you can take back with you. You cannot take 22 years away with you. 22 million fights, 22 million broken promises, 22 million attempts, 22 million failed attempts. 22 million hugs. My family. My house.

Blank.