The life, the truth and Everything.

A professor of mine made us write about love in her class. She gave us whole two hours to write about love. "Make it personal" she said and sent us off to class. Like a retarded bunch of immature kids we sat around a giggled, joked, wasted time, each person looking into the other person's work to see how 'personal' it was. None of us were 18 or 16 or 12.
We were all adults who have had relationships that were nor platonic. Well, most of us in class that day. These adults had also by all probabilities has sex, cheated, broken up and had their hearts broken.
Yet, while we were ordered to write, we acted like children.
Some found it cool to associate science with love and give some redundant explanation. It was most insulting to him, he didn't realize.
I'll tell him why if I could. Talking about love the way he did made it seem like a theory. And theory by rule cannot be proved/disproved and is always subject to change. So is what he made of love. Yet this was the guy who asked other guys for their rooms when his girl stayed back on campus.
Irony.
Some called it power to fulfill their aims, some called it faith, beauty and many such heavy things.
The professor patiently heard us all, lauded us, appreciated us and told us that she loved us. She said that every relationship was a negotiation. She said that to love someone you did not have to like that person. She sent us off with a new novel to read with this new vision and idea of love.
It felt like a personality development class. 2 hours of squeaky clean thoughts and heaps of lies. Everyone hid the truth about how they felt about the person they loved. I probably did too. For there are always proper temporal and spatial zones for some abject discussions. You obviously can't tell her professor that you love your boyfriend...that is blasphemy.


That very evening I had a huge fight with someone I loved. And in the end it all came down to negotiations.

What do you want to be?

She asked me this question when i was almost dozing off in the car next to her. I fought with the sleep reflex and opened my eyes and looked at her. Well, she didn't know I was half asleep and I was wearing sunglasses.
My mind screamed out - "Do you think I am 8???"
"I don't know..." I said and i looked out of the window and nothing in particular, I had to show that I was thinking.
"There has to be something that you like except advertising..." she asked changing the gears.
"Yes...sleeping..." I wanted to say.
"Well...maybe...I don't know..."
I didn't have an answer.
When I was 8 I had a lot of answers.
For then you can be anything you want to be. You can be an astronaut, an architect, a forensic expert, a historian and God knows what else.
But now you can just be one thing.
And sometimes not even that.
When you are 8 all you really need to do is to imagine. And everything just happens. It's so simple and you can be a new thing every day. You can even want to be a housewife and say so...and your mother will not raise an eyebrow.
But I am obviously old and lost. I don't even know what I want to be for 5 mins at a stretch. Every day was the end draws near I wonder about what I want to be.
And every day I have no answers.
I didn't have an answer for her. Well surely not one that i could tell her.
"I want to be me...for every day that comes now on I want to be everything i used to be...and for days that I have left behind in some long lost age I want to be EVERYTHING you can't imagine...yes even a rockstar..."
But i told my nosy classmate today-
"I am going to fly a plane..."

'' "

- Someone I do not know is reading my poems and choosing them for an event of embarrassment and discomfort scheduled for Friday the 13th. Bravo.

- Battles were fought and pitched on our grounds and we were not a part of it. Nor will we be.

- They will dance till the moon goes right up to the center of the sky.

- I lie. I don't like you.

- 9 Songs is a STUPID movie but i enjoyed the time i spent watching it.

- One of my friends is a chauvinistic, biased freak.

- I threw hot pink and violet gulal on black boxes and made it look funky.

- Went all the way to another state to have pasta in a shop that was closed.

- My room mate is going away for 2 weeks.

- Every memory is a trace of a tear.

- We live in an Utopia...yet some traces of happiness are so hard to find.

He didn't jump.
Instead, just to make a point he took of his shoe and threw it down form the 7th floor of the library. That is where he was dangling his legs from. He drank a lot of water, spoke on his cell, and talked animatedly to the people inside. Only once he addressed the crowd gathered below to say that JNU had no value for his life for the life of others. He got the police and the fire brigade and the tv crews in.
He didn't jump.
He came out looking like a martyr leaning on the shoulders of our student union president, he looked as if he had gone through hell sitting up there dangling one of his legs and his privates placed precariously on the window ledge.
I think he came down cause he had to pee.

Daddy!Daddy! It's just like you said- now the living outnumber the dead.

Going.Going.Gone.

We had our 'Hostel Night' yesterday. It is the last function of the 3 day hostel extravaganza that every hostel in JNU hosts. It is basically a 'gala' dinner followed by a dance party and loads of booze to add to the general confusion.
However the story is not that, or about anything that happened either at the dinner or the dance. But rather well after everyone had stuffed themselves silly and had finished shouting at the DJ to play that 'one last song'.

This particular friend of mine has a room mate who appears to me as a pretty nice and sweet guy. Well, in general, i obviously have to base my reaction depending on the very minimal contact i have with him. The usual B.A boy who has his set of weird friends, good in sports, confused with his German translations and so on. However every time his girl friend comes to his room to stay (those are the times when my friends are unceremoniously kicked out) they have a small World War of sorts. EVERY TIME.
Bottles are crushed beyond recognition, mugs are shattered to pieces, window glass is broken, book shelves twisted out of shape and I don't know what else. It in general is darn nasty.
It seems to me that they 'battle' every time they meet, or rather they meet ever time they need to fight. I should not assume any such thing for I am sure they love each other very much and after all my experience I know for certain that every couple has its own equation and perception. I cannot unearth this one perfect idea of a couple and expect it to work with EVERYONE and for information nor can you.
However, this time i was an auditor to their epic battle.

We were all outside the room, in an open space behind the room where people hang their clothes to dry and keep the coolers and chatting with friends who were having a few drinks, singing, laughing and having a decently good time. within roughly 10 minutes of the lights in the room going off we heard a loud noise of something being thrown, soon followed by another then the door banged hard and the windows flew open and the lights went on. My two friends who stay in the room with the guy quietly closed the windows and went in to check. We discretely left the boy's wing. While we were leaving we realized that we were not the only ones who had heard the racket. Half the hostel was awake and outside their rooms, at least on the ground floor.
What happened next is a different story but the guy had cuts all over his hand and the girl was unharmed albeit greatly embarrassed.

She was not embarrassed by their fight but rather by a million people barging in to find out whether he had hit her or not- especially those retarded feminists. The ones who never hear the full story but run to mutilate the character of the guy involved and run signature campaigns to get support for their propaganda.

I know for sure that the guy did not hit the girl, he never has. If he had ever done so then she would have been gravely injured; for a guy who can twist a steel book case out of shape is not a force i would want a girl to reckon with. Other feminists could and may by all means ostracize me for a comment like this and are welcome to. However I do not believe in their brand of feminism and I never will. I stand by what is right and what they do does not substantiate as 'right' to me.

JNU has this association (if i may call it so) called GSCASH- which is to make people stand up against sexual harassment of any sort. What happens when a boy/girl slaps a GSCASH against the other- the case is taken up by a 'court' who decide the tenets of who is wrong and who has been wronged, and it is a long drawn tedious process that can take forever. The group is supposed to be apolitical but they have party back up which absolutely makes a farce out of the whole system. The case in question becomes a joke and the people involved become characters to be joked about and talked about, the ones you make plays about and laugh. You however do not learn. NO ONE learns.
For these 'feminists' such an association is the best thing ever.
The guy is always wrong and the girl is always the victim.
The only grounds on which I think a guy must not hit a girl is because biologically females and weaker then males and can't physically match up to males. Genetically and otherwise females are built differently. There is nothing to argue on this. You cannot expect a female to be physically strong enough to take on a guy unless under unique circumstances. I believe that the only reason guys are taught to never hit girls is because girls get hurt easier than guys do. This is entirely a physical thing.
I am not even raising an emotional argument so don't bother.
So i remotely abhore these 'feminists' who choose to ignore that a girl may also harass a guy emotionally. They refuse to see the other side of the coin or hear the other side of the story. For them it is ONLY bout the fact that a guy hit a girl. Not do much about one human being hitting another.
So lets get this straight- you put sex before being human? Is that what your 'feminism' is all about?
I for one being a girl know how manipulative and harassing a girl is capable of being. I am not saying that ALL girls who have got harassed are like that but all I am saying is that there is another side to the story. Maybe you should try hearing that before you tighten the noose.
In every relationship there arise times when you could murder the significant other. I have felt it SO many times. Now how I deal with it is the question. As human beings who are cultured and educated (as per the basic government approved norms) should know that every relationship has its marker of respect and privacy and space that should not be violated. Stop the fight before it gets physical. I have seen bruises on people I love and I have cried for that. don't forget that we are human. You cannot and should not hit another human being. Irrespective of the sex.

There even cropped up a fight between the people who had been awoken by the noises about whether the couple should be left alone to sort out their differences or should the guy be pulled out and beaten up for hurting the girl.
They weren't even in the room and they already had taken sides.

I was asked by my friends to stay out of this so I departed. i knew that the girl was not hurt and I was fine with that knowledge. I am no one to say whether a couple should or should not fight and if they should then how, with what levels of decorum or what levels of approved noise.
That is not my concern, it is their private one.

I hate feminists. They are prudes with half baked and selective knowledge and no humanism in them. Maybe they should learn about being humans before they learn about being a girl or a guy.

Feminism is passe and its GONE.