It is almost 2 in the night and I have not even started studying. I have to read three...three fucking HUGE essays and write summaries for those in a page each. Just a page. You cannot imagine what torture it is for a person like me to do concrete work- and the worst part- I can't even get myself to start. I am writing excuses down.
I will have to be in time for class tomorrow or I will have to not attend class for being late and leave the course.
Which is not a very bad proposition for ever since M.Phil has started in this dratted university- at least 20 times in a day I wonder why I am doing it. I wonder why I am here, wonder why I cleared the entrance without studying one bit, why i cracked the interview- WHY WHY WHY!!!
I am not even giving this a chance- this is the only shot I have at studying on so as all those who had ridiculed me when I was 16 would turn around and run away. I am doing this just for that and for the fact that English- is not an effort on my end.
But theory is and that is why I am doing it.
The last few months has been exhausting. I want to go home and I want to collapse in a desolate, dignity devoid crumble on the bed and stay there till 2011. I want unconditional love served to me with tea in the morning and peace.
I also want to cry.
I want to sit down and bawl my eyes out. For days I have felt tears prick my eyes but there has been no time to cry.
I want to cry. For I know I need to.
