It is hard to deal with a broken heart especially when it is not yours. With all my faith even if I tell her that things will become ok- it does not help. I can see her moping around, trying to escape, to find little snatches of happiness in some lost romantic rainy day. I wish I could do something. I wish I could do something to make it alright.
When reality sobs herself to sleep just next to you all the happy bright thoughts and quotes on love walk the line of shame. Helpless voyeurs we stand sighing in our hearts. We all have our personal heart aches. Some one night stands, some affairs gone bad, some absences, compromises, lies, hypocrisy, betrayals and an ounce of truth somewhere in all that mind fucking- we are all so useless. So darn useless.

I am tired. Of lies.

Sometimes I still think. As much as I hate to accept I do. But at least between the two of us someone is mature enough to handle the truth.

Goodbye and thank you for all the Fish!

I cycled today while the storm built up and raindrops started gaining speed. It was wonderful- obviously something we all have wanted to do sometime or the other and probably had done. I just had to hurry for my documents were at the danger of getting wet. I knew my destined job was not to be completed so I enjoyed that moment in the rain. I did not think of great things though I wanted to. Something epiphanic and brilliant to write about and later gloat over. But nothing really came up. The only line in my head was that everyone had their own private heart aches.
Over the last month or a bit more I have learnt some hard lessons. Lessons that took large ugly chunks out of my heart and left me so empty that I could recognize myself even lesser than normal. But at the end of the day when everyone is fighting for that little bit of ego and little bit of the sky I suppose it is all fair. Or not.
I arrived at this place thinking that I was to stay here and I convinced myself that it made sense. The emptiness hit me when I sat amidst unknown faces eating my dinner. This was like a full circle and it was never a nice feeling. I was old enough to be practical and to deal with everything rather maturely.
Wrong.
I need my comfort zone or I cannot function- and I do stupid things if I can't function.
So tomorrow I must explain so someone why I must leave. With a very solemn expression I must mumble about a family emergency.
But today I cycled in the rain, watched the storm and saw ugly fat toads all over the place and two of them mating.

Ha ha

We go round and round in circles of three...
You, monkey and little me...
In circles of three we race to the door
And break all furniture down to the floor!
We go round and round in circles of three...
You, monkey and little me...
In circles of three we scream and shout
For we have nothing that we can talk about!
We go round and round in circles of three...
You, monkey and little me...
In circles of three we pinch the others
Donkey, mad bat and their little brothers!
We go round and round in circles of three...
You, monkey and little me...

If I get swine flu I will go home!
home...home...home...
If I get swine flu I will go home!
Home...home..home!!!
If I get swine flu I will go home...

Oh well!!!

The last month and a bit more has been harrowing hell for me and a few of my friends and family as well. For all the set back that could have hit us square in the eye has dutifully done just that. Every thing that could go wrong- has. But this strange tendency we all have- to stick it out...just one night longer, just an hour more, just one last shot. Me with my issues with being close to people and such vague things- I do not know whether such moments of grave tenacity had brought me any closer to anyone else but rather has made me so isolated.
Disconnected and Isolated.
Such heavy words they are! Oh my!!!