I cycled today while the storm built up and raindrops started gaining speed. It was wonderful- obviously something we all have wanted to do sometime or the other and probably had done. I just had to hurry for my documents were at the danger of getting wet. I knew my destined job was not to be completed so I enjoyed that moment in the rain. I did not think of great things though I wanted to. Something epiphanic and brilliant to write about and later gloat over. But nothing really came up. The only line in my head was that everyone had their own private heart aches.
Over the last month or a bit more I have learnt some hard lessons. Lessons that took large ugly chunks out of my heart and left me so empty that I could recognize myself even lesser than normal. But at the end of the day when everyone is fighting for that little bit of ego and little bit of the sky I suppose it is all fair. Or not.
I arrived at this place thinking that I was to stay here and I convinced myself that it made sense. The emptiness hit me when I sat amidst unknown faces eating my dinner. This was like a full circle and it was never a nice feeling. I was old enough to be practical and to deal with everything rather maturely.
Wrong.
I need my comfort zone or I cannot function- and I do stupid things if I can't function.
So tomorrow I must explain so someone why I must leave. With a very solemn expression I must mumble about a family emergency.
But today I cycled in the rain, watched the storm and saw ugly fat toads all over the place and two of them mating.
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