One down...God knows how many more to go.

1. What did you do in 2009 that you'd never done before?

-Got a stamp on my passport after having it for at least 5 useless years.
-Traveled more than I actually wanted to- none were pleasure trips.
-Sulked for a month solid.
-Fell really sick. At least that got me home.

2. Did you keep your new years resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I make the same resolutions every year. Doesn't work. Will do it again.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

Nope. Not that I know of.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

Yes. Geographically yes.

7. What date from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

My birthday this year.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

I cracked 3 interviews with no pushes from inside. Got a bit smarter at handling people (read meaner- if that is possible).

9. What was your biggest failure?

I lost my school of thought.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

A broken heart and then a horrible cold. Same thing almost.

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?

Mom's. Period.

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?

Some friends. Taught me something though.

14. Where did most of your money go?

Shopping. A complete no brainer!

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

About the year ending. It sucked thoroughly.

16. What song will always remind you of 2009?

Not only 2009- but every year that comes - Vincent. I know its corny.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you happier or sadder?

SADDER.

19. What do you wish you'd done more of?

Well...I suppose being a little more sincere in my emotions.

20. What do you wish you'd done less of?

Felt less miserable I suppose.

21. How will you be spending Christmas?

No idea. Remind me to update this when I have a plan.

22. Did you fall in love in 2009?

Love? No.

23. How many one night stands?

I am too much of a prude for this!

24. What was your favourite TV programme?

Currently House, but am always loyal to Roadies.

26. What was the best book you read?

I just read a whole lot of essays.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?

That I just cannot sing. Not much of a discovery- I just remind myself every year!

28. What did you want and get?

I got nothing I wanted this year. :(

29. What did you want and not get?

Some thing to work out. Nothing worked out.

30. What was your favourite film of this year?

I just watched a lot of mindless movies this year.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I cried all evening and I was 25.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

Less heart ache. More intellectual hope. And money.

34. What kept you sane?

Mirrors. I find my face most endearing!

37. Who was the worst new person you met?

A particular Professor in a particular university somewhere.

38. Who was the best new person you met?

A handful of friends.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009.

Nothing lasts forever...and we both know hearts can change!

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

Shut up and Drive!

Vanished.

A few days back my sister sent me a message – “Chordadu passed away today evening, sometime back. Just letting you know.”
I didn’t react to that message much, probably because I did not know how to. It is not like I was particularly close to him or anything of that sort. Often I thought he was vile and old and how he should just die. But then he died and I was not even sure that I really wanted it that way. For the 22 years I have lived there I had nothing to do with him, rarely interacted with him and it never mattered. So why now?
I remembered his wife telling us when we were small that he sat around all day like a barn owl. And now that barn owl was dead, his wife finally managed to coax him away.
He hated my dog. Every time my dog would decide to act like a complete stubborn mule and sit pert in front of the main door and bark like a rabid cretin- he would unleash the wave of choicest vernacular abuses. It made no difference to my dog. When I read the message it did hit me once that now the dog could bark to glory. But then I thought- did I really want her to bark like that?
Today I am feeling sad about things. Today I feel this vacuum. Not that some special memory came to mind but suddenly death seemed too real to pretend that it had not affected me this time.
I have just been to the cremation grounds once. That only time being when one of my friend’s fathers committed suicide. I remember crying after I got home not because I saw anything that scared me but rather for he suddenly came to mind. I had not even seen the dead body. I didn’t want to see it. He was this sarcastic and brilliant man who just jumped off the 7th floor one day after fighting with his family. When I came home – he suddenly came to mind.
But today- Chordadu just didn’t come to mind. He came to mind with a volley of feelings that I could not handle. The feeling that I could not lose anything that was mine, anything I knew, anything I know. For if I did, a part of history and just goes missing. In a story of everyday- some lines stop running. I am going to tell these stories to someone one day and I cannot have parts missing. How can you make do with characters that vanish? Does it not change everything even if he didn’t matter too much?
Chordadu just vanished, like Dadu, like didima, like Bodhi’s father...like Raman’s mom...and one day...like me.