Every passing day, this becomes a play ground of excesses. As I rush towards borders with the rough wind scarring my face and the sun branding my skin, and I cling on to you just that much tighter. Bury my head on your shoulder and inhale deeply. I feel safe. Arguments pile up, conversations show serrated edges between our fingers. And you look at me with complete disbelief- How could you DO this? How could you ever imagine anything else?
I never imagined anything else. Never the anger, never the fear of having to lose any little bit of us. Just never seemed possible that you and I would be on opposite sides of any battle field anywhere. Leave alone this swings and slides of excesses. And I look at you- pouting- You didn’t let me swing. You grab my hand a little tighter and pull me away.
Tomorrow. I promise.
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Leave no Memories
Sometimes it is just that much harder to fathom what sort of an effect you have left on someone’s life. You may not bother and with a shrug of a shoulder push their thoughts away into the dark recesses with so many other abandoned memories.
There are memories of a touch, a look, a certain off-handed event with no connection to the rest that followed. Affection itself is one of the most over whelming memories. And I want to leave none.
I cannot imagine I affected you, mattered that much. There is no internal or private triumph in this statement. There is just overwhelming sorrow. When I leave I want to take the memories with me, take a wet wash cloth and wipe your mind clean. Settle your collar and kiss you on the forehead and say- go fall in love. Again. One more time. And this time it may be forever.
I don’t want to come to mind in sullen hours. I want to physically rip those pages out, get someone to do it- someone you don’t know and thus might trust involuntarily.
Why would I want to take them all away? Because knowing that I am a memory for you- makes it that much harder to use a wash cloth on my mind. Thoughts get tied in this terrible chaotic chain reaction, each implosion of tears into the veins followed swiftly by another.
It saddens me to leave memories.
To know that you have not let go of me quite yet- makes it that much harder to let go of you.
There are memories of a touch, a look, a certain off-handed event with no connection to the rest that followed. Affection itself is one of the most over whelming memories. And I want to leave none.
I cannot imagine I affected you, mattered that much. There is no internal or private triumph in this statement. There is just overwhelming sorrow. When I leave I want to take the memories with me, take a wet wash cloth and wipe your mind clean. Settle your collar and kiss you on the forehead and say- go fall in love. Again. One more time. And this time it may be forever.
I don’t want to come to mind in sullen hours. I want to physically rip those pages out, get someone to do it- someone you don’t know and thus might trust involuntarily.
Why would I want to take them all away? Because knowing that I am a memory for you- makes it that much harder to use a wash cloth on my mind. Thoughts get tied in this terrible chaotic chain reaction, each implosion of tears into the veins followed swiftly by another.
It saddens me to leave memories.
To know that you have not let go of me quite yet- makes it that much harder to let go of you.
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