Dilli Darshan- a little differently.

House hunting in Delhi.

I can safely assure you, that even looking for - a needle in a hay stack, a decent-rich-smart-man to marry, a fool proof dissertation topic- any of these, all of these are exponentially easier to find.

No matter what your budget- a ‘better’ house is always 5000 bucks away. JUST five thousand. And the brokers (God help this breed) assure you that this elusive 5000 is not much of an issue at all- “See…” they proceed to explain, “You just end up paying a little more.” I vehemently shake my head and say- NO.

An extra 2.5k is not a favourite coffee add on. Thank you.

You can very easily find the oddest architecture – like a staircase in the middle of a make shift second bedroom that goes down to a basement, which has a room that the land lord assures you- can be made in to a bedroom. Though it has NO windows, no doors, just a staircase that leads to it and some cupboards below the stairs. Frankly- I’d rather live in that cupboard.

And also the oddest ‘requests’- guys cannot stay, perhaps they can visit for a few hours. But they cannot stay. Of course we bring over guys by the dozen dear land lord- we like excitement every hour. And the few hours they are there- as if I cannot ‘do’ what I want in that, is it? And one land lord even went on to say- I will not allow boys in the house; for as his past experience goes- one of his tenants got knocked up. Since he is so vehement about it- am vaguely suspicious that HE had something to do with the matter.

Well then- keep your house with you- shove it in some unholy dirty crevice of your rectum and shut it.

Please talk nice to the owners. Repeat most politely for the umpteenth time- where you work, what your work hours are, where you study, where you are from, how many people at home, the name of your puppy and the colour of the new shows you bought. By all means. Ask for my DNA profile as well- please do- THAT will assure our parents that we shall be safely taken care of.

Since we are two girls living ‘alone’ – we must be needing guidance and surveillance and things like that. Of course! Why don’t you send your domestic help with me to work every day- JUST so as I am safe.

Every property- is VERY GOOD property. Even if it is a little hole in the wall. Every location is prime and vaastu approved. With 24 hour security- even if it is a guard who is too busy betting on cards and drunk.
Respect the profession- not the actions!

And perhaps, as a way to calm your self down. Tomorrow is always another day with more brokers, more houses beyond your budget, more long pointless conversations with people you will never meet again. This is for those who have accompanied me in this 'holy' quest, people who have done this earlier, will do it again and MOST IMPORTANTLY- people who have calmly heard me rant about these series of unfortunate events. Thank you.

Such is life.
Going to the moon is easier. Trust me.