Missing

There I was. In a flimsy white slip, hand stitched lace at the hem, kiddy pink panties. Didn’t have a swim suit. Ma did not think I needed one for one trip to the beach. Sitting on my haunches next to the pool. Baba was in the pool- asking Ma to give me to him. I could not swim. Baba’s out stretched hands took me into the blue water. Then I was running on the wet sands to the sea.

There again. Amidst the rolling valley. The bluest sky and the darkest green. I threw a stone at a lamb. It butted me down. I rolled down the tiny hill, sat there and wailed till my parents finished laughing and came and told me- nothing happened. The sky was still blue, the grass still memory green.

Look at me. In the white snow- a blotch of red. Ma never let go of my tiny fist wrapped around her finger. I took a handful of snow and ate it. I wish I knew then what a snowman was- orange candies were more important to me. I knew a poppy though. Innumerable stars, being fed sitting on the log cabin stairs, blue woollen dungarees, I looked like a boy. The yellow tent blazing in my mind’s eye.

Why do I remember so little?

Where did Ma and Baba leave me and go?